Not Here

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Taste Test

I want to taste Your Spirit.
I'm tired of the immitation.
I'm beginning to taste the difference.
If I ever tasted Your Spirit before,
I forgot.
I want to taste Your Spirit once more.

Late Bloomer

House? no
Degree? not yet
Married? no
Kids? no


And I bet you think I'm ugly and maybe I am. I realize what that looks like to the world. Question. Did Jesus have any of those things at my age (thirtysomething?) No. Was he pursuing those things? No. Was he worried about finding those things? No. Was he handsome? Not according to Isaiah 53:2. His only desire was the will of the Father who sent Him. Whether people believe in Jesus or not, He was is and always will be the most influential person that ever walked the face of this earth. Jesus. A man with no house. No car. No job. No wife or kids to brag about. The Bible says that God uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. I know to the world I might look like a foolish, unsuccessful girl with nothing to show for her life in practical terms.

Then again....Noah built a humongous boat in the middle of the desert because it was going to "rain" and people didn't even know what rain was yet.

Abraham held his most beloved son at knife point because God wanted to know that Abraham held nothing more dear to him then God himself.

Sweet John the Baptist ran around in a loin cloth, and ate honey and locusts yet God used Him to reveal the Son of Man to the world.

Gideon was hiding in a wine press because he was a cowardly man and God called him out to defeat the Midianites after splitting Gideon's army by more than half.

These men did not get so caught up living in the here and now. Striving for success, fame or fortune. They lived with a much greater perspective. An eternal perspective.
Maybe I will one day have those things on that little list above. Maybe I won't. After all, the Bible also says that those who seek to find their life will lose it but those who lose their life for His sake will find it. Isn't that something we all really want anyway? To get a life? To find our calling? To find our purpose? I know I do. But I also know that finding that purpose outside of knowing Him intimatly is like trying to build a house and laboring in vain to try at all if it's not according to His will and purpose.

These "silly" men are some of the most famous men in history, not to mention successful, because they fulfilled the roles God called them too, as opposed to seeking their own agenda and missing the mark. In giving up everything, they received everything. Not necessarily on this earth, but for sure in the sweet hereafter...

I know those men hit the target. They hit the bulls eye, in the most unusual ways.

So here's my question, what are you aiming at today?

In the middle of the night...

I was in a sound sleep. Then I heard a very clear knocking. Three knocks to be exact. It startled me wide awake and I let out a gasp. I felt a little bit fearful. Was someone at the door? I didn't move and waited for the knocking to happen again. Nothing. Then I wondered if it came from the guy who lives down below; my window was open, so maybe that's what I heard. But nothing. Only the silence of the night and fan blowing in my room.

Strange little things have been happening to my roommate lately. The Lord called her name out of a sound sleep and called her clearly. That's never happened to her or me or anyone else I know before. So I couldn't help but wonder if it was the Lord knocking. But that seemed silly to me. Maybe I just made it up in my head because of the things that were happening to her. However the reason I was now wide awake was because I heard a very clear and loud knocking. I laid in bed, just listening and thinking about Him until I fell back to sleep.

This morning I kept thinking about the knocking and feeling kind of crazy still. I wondered what the bible had to say about "knocking". I though of the scripture where Jesus says in Revelation 3:20

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."

Now although I love that scripture, I don't believe that was what the Lord was trying to tell me.

But then I found this in the Song of Solomon 5:2

"[ Beloved ] I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: "Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night." (italics added)

Uh, woah. I mean that's pretty heavy stuff. Maybe that's not for me. I don't want to just start pulling scripture out of context, but it's kind of ironic to me that what I heard last night is directly in scripture, in the Song of Songs, of all mushy places.

Awhile back I asked the Lord, "Would you please make me feel special? I don't feel special to anyone, and I need to feel special."

Honestly, I find the words to that scripture pretty overwhelming and intense. Who talks like that anyway? Um, apparently God does and if husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church then that's a pretty special love thing...

Empty Cups

Empty Cups, they clang together.
We sit in the four walls and clang our empty cups like children;
looking to the people to the left, to the right, to the guy up in front.
"Can you fill it?" We ask each other.
"Can you?" They ask of me.
No.
No one can fill the empty cups.
Everyone is hungry, or so I assume.
But who then will fill the empty cups?
What did I come here for?
What is it that I want?
I hear a bunch of noisy children clanging their empty cups.
How annoying we must sound.
Do we ask the Lord Almighty to fill the empty cups?
Or do we ask each other?
This is where I have erred.
When my focus is not on Christ and Him Crucified
I find myself seeking the Lord in earthen vessels...(even with good intentions)
Instead of seeking the Lord.

Lord, Here is my empty cup. Father please fill it up, right here in my living room, in my pajamas and when I seem them on Sunday, may that cup that you filled flow over onto them.

Help me to worship you IN spirit and IN truth. Amen.

Trust

I keep trying to play Tug of War with God.
But He don't play that game.
The loser of Tug of War is the one who falls down.
No wonder my but keeps getting dirty.

Isaiah 8:17
I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him.


Isaiah 12:2
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

A Poem

Quiet the clutter.
Quiet the noise.
Quiet the sound of the screaming void.
Stop what you're doing.
Just stop right there.
In all of your doing,
You "do" unaware.
You rush to do this.
You rush to do that.
You strive for pockets to be ever fat.
But lean I tell you.
Lean is what you are.
Leanness of Spirit and you think I'm afar.
But near I am to you.
I'm near each day.
This is how I long for you.
Will you not hear and obey?
Come sit by my side.
Join me by My Throne.
I long to be close to you.
Take Me for your own.
I take you for Mine,
If you will take Me.
My Bride, how I am so jealous for thee.
You know not the pretense.
This is not Loves Game.
I've called you as mine
and I've called you by name!
My doorway is open,
My mercy is wide.
My pastures are green if you choose to abide.
My freedom is vast.
My love is deep.
My knowledge and wisdom, may you ever keep.
I will clothe you with splendor
and My Beauty the same,
If you come through the Blood,
that is Jesus by Name.