Honesty to You

Father-

I read Matthew 6:33 saying....
"Seek first God's Kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met."
Wow. Lord , I read this to myself and I see how even in this simple Saturday, I seek for myself. What I want. Then I read these words of yours and realize how easy I flip-flop my life to try and serve my needs. My thoughts always run so far ahead of me without giving any heed to considering yours. God forgive me. Lord, in this life I feel like I desire so much and receive so little. And yet, you are always there. Are you not always waiting to show me something new and exciting? Yet here I am in earthly time, always wanting and longing for more. Are you not "more than enough for me"(? )Like that song says. I sing those lyrics from Hill-Song. But do I believe it? Do I believe you? DO I believe that your words are true? Did you not say that when you came back you would be looking to find people who had faith in you?

I feel the battle between flesh and spirit everyday, Lord. The battle over laziness, the battle over fear of man. The battle over Lust. The battle over depression and self pity....seems at times, exhausting day in and day out. Where is my reprieve?
"Where does my help come from? My help come from THE LORD! The maker of heaven and earth." But do I go to you for my help? It seems so often not. I'm not sure why Lord. How stupid. Did you not say that "My people perish for lack of knowledge." Lack of knowledge of God! and it's not your fault that I wollow in the mire of my own mess. Thoughts, feelings, circumstances and Blah Blah Blah.................... Help me Father to draw closer to you. To desire you more. Even now.