Boundry Lines

Rising up out of the ditch.

That is what I have been trying to do for the past two days. Don't ask me how I got here. I still don't know. But for a long time I was having a terrible time trying to draw close to my Lord. I was miserable inside, for too long. I tend to feel as though my relationship with the Lord is like a rollercoaster and let me just tell you, I hate rollercoasters. My thought process is something like, "If I'm feeling good and doing good, then I must be good. (In the Lord's eyes)". Subsequently, if I'm feeling bad, and doing bad, or sin, then I'm just the baddest of the bad girls. This makes for a pretty miserable walk and I am so tired of it. Often though, I feel like I am too much "In My Head."

So two days ago I forced myself to read my Bible. Really read it and I have come to realize this, I love boundaries. Inside I am always wanting to know what's right with the Lord. "God am I following you?" Is the question I ask myself time and time again. This time is no different. And here is what I read....

1 John 1:9

If we freely admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to his own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought and action.]

and continuing in 1 John 2:1

My little children, I write you these things so that you may not sin. But if anyone should sin, we have an Advocate (One who will intercede for us) with the Father- [it is] Jesus Christ [the all] righteous. And He (Jesus) is the propitiation (atoning sacrifice) for our sins and not for ours alone but also for the sins of the whole world. (Amplified)

The title of the post is Boundary Lines. What does this have to do with Boundaries? Jesus is my boundary. When I cross the line, He will pull me back if I am willing to look. And then I love this in verse 3...

"And this is how we may discern [daily, by experience] that we are coming to know Him [to perceive,recognize, understand and become better acquainted with Him]: if we keep (bear in mind, observe, practice) His teachings (precepts, commandments).

God help me. There is a reason why this scripture starts out as "My little children". It is because children need boundary lines. They need them to know what is right and how to live and conductive themselves. We are no different.

I realize that when I feel "bound" it is because I don't know my boundary lines, or I have simply forgotten them. So, God is faithful in His word to straighten me out.

"God help me to keep my head out of the sand and in your Word, so that I may think right and think straight and not give a hold to condemnation. Thank you Jesus."

Out of Words

Hello?
Are you still there Lord?
Can you hear me?
I'm the one in the corner who has stopped talking.
I don't know why and I don't know how to start again.

(sniff) I'm sorry....

For Him that I love

His Presence has come.
On a song and in the melody of my voice to you,
you heard me sing.
The song of my heart, the song of the Bride.
In thanksgiving you heard.
In these tears of joy you draw near.
How lovely is the Presence of the King.
How full is the atmosphere of your love.
In prayer, I speak to you my concerns.
In peace you settle my heart.
In promise you assure me through your word,
And in praise I will whisper Your Name.

He disciplines those He loves...

You know, I'd like to think that I'm a nice person. That I'm patient with people and willing to not need the last word. But you know, the Bible says that we are not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought.

I'm beginning to think that i have it easy in Seattle. There aren't too many, if any, people who know how to push my buttons or rub me the wrong way. Therefore, this makes me think that I'm pretty good at keeping a good attitude with others. However, I'm quickly reminded when I come home that this is not so. All the things that I can't stand about myself and I think I've got a handle of seem to float to the surface when I get around my family. This bothers me greatly. I think I was pretty oblivious to myself since I got home until today. During the few minutes I actually had to myself in prayer I became extremely convicted about my attitude.

"How can this be?!" I ask myself and the Lord. "I thought I was done being this way!" I think about the scripture that talks about the tongue...and who can tame it? It only makes me realize that I can do NO good thing in my own strength. That without prayer and asking the Lord to search my heart for any ways that are sinful that I may be unaware of, I will continue in the same dead ways.

Where would I be without you Holy Spirit? You are so faithful to convict and discipline those you love...in order that I may Live a lifestyle of Love.

A Simple Word that Packs a Punch. Forgiveness.

There is a lot to be said for this little word, Forgiveness.
It sounds like such an easy thing to do. An easy thing to say. "I forgive you." Right?
Hmmmm...I kid myself to say yes. Especially when I'm hopping mad and I feel I have the right to be. Awhile ago, I experienced something of the sort. And I was so angry I just wanted to blast the person. But at least my reaction has changed over the years from blurting out exactly how I feel to taking the time to think things through and see what I need to do about myself before approaching the other person.

"Forgive them, Colleen." My friend said. "The first thing you need to do is forgive them in your heart." I knew she was right. No matter how justified I felt in my anger, I knew that I would not be justified before the Lord. How many times are we to forgive? "Seventy times seven." Jesus said. And then I thought of all the times I have come to the Lord and needed to ask for his forgiveness and grace and mercy ...too many to count and He forgives me every time. How then, dare I hold my anger over someones head? I cannot.

But I also knew that I was still so mad in my feelings, that I needed Him to give me the grace in order to forgive, because I just didn't have it in my own strength. So after mediating for awhile on this and His mercy and forgiveness over me in my life, I knew He would help me to let go. But for some reason, it wasn't enough to just confess it in my head. I had to say it out loud to myself so that my own ears heard it.

So I did it. I said it out loud to myself and meant it. Then didn't think much more about it. But I realized awhile later that the weight that was sitting on me had disappeared. There was no weight any more. Only peace. Peace in my soul and my flesh was shut up and had nothing to complain about.

Could I have done this on my own and meant it? No. If there's one thing I've learned about myself it's that my love for people runs out. But His love never does and when I drink from His well, there is always enough love to go around. His Love is powerful and I'm so glad that I can have it too.

Matthew 6:14 "Yes, if you forgive others for their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you for your sins. But if you do not forgive others, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins." --Jesus

Rock Steady

I love that phrase. I know it's from an Aretha Franklin song but here's the juicy on that. (In my opinion) Nothing makes me wanna Rock Steady on life more than, not just knowing Jesus, but knowing that He's crazy abut me. ME! (And I know me...and I often feel like "Woah is me.")
I still can't grasp this. I don't think I ever will until I meet Him. But today, I feel like I got some revelation about something that I was actually praying for the opposite of. Nevertheless found myself reading in His Word a Truth that set me free. All I can say is that finding oneself content in Him has got to be one of the greatest blessings outside of Salvation. He IS my Rock that keeps me Steady. Rock On.

Psalm 19:14 "I hope my words and thoughts please you. Lord, you are my Rock, the one who saves me."

How will I know?

Something that truly concerns me...
My roommate was raised on a farm. She said once that if you were to look at just the face of a sheep and the face of a goat they are really quite similar. This got me thinking about the time I stayed on a friends farm. I went out into the fields to walk them alone and found myself wondering the difference between which were wheat and which were tares. It was hard to tell.

I have times where I sense an urgency within myself about something and I'm not quite sure what it is, but I know that it's a spiritual urgency. I have for the first time this year begun to ask myself a scary question. "How do I know if I am a sheep or a goat?" "How do I know that I am a wheat and not a tare?" How do we know these things if they are so similar? How do I really know if I really love God for the right reasons?

My brain feels so cramped by these thoughts, that I don't think I can write more on this subject...at least not yet, but one thing is for sure, I must pursue the answer.