I feel like deleting almost this entire blog. Why? Because I have been drinking Cheap Grace. Because somewhere along the line I substituted the real cross of Christ for a fake one. A golden calf if you will and I'm disgusted.
I have written poems and sonnets to the Lord and declared this blog "Love Letters to the Savior". But really, I think they have mostly been love letters to myself. I may even change the title someday. How can I can write all this flowery stuff and still toy and coddle with sin like a toddler coddles it's dirty baby blanket? I have seen it in action. The child wants it's dirty blanket. The parent wants the child to grow up and put away the childish things. The child feels like the parent is holding out on him/her and screams for the comfort of the dirty blanket. God will not force me to stop sinning. But His love has so much more for me, if only I would receive it.
If only we would behold the beauty and the shame of the Cross and really know that Jesus didn't die so that we could mess around and play church in the outer courts. How did I get so dull? How did I become so blind? We cannot serve two masters. We will either love our sin and hate the Cross or love the Cross and hate sin just as the Lord hates it. There is no in between.
I have cheapened His grace. You can't toy with sin and be holy as he is holy at the same time. It doesn't work that way and I lie to myself if I think that it does.
Something has got to change and It's-Not-God.
She's Having a Baby
11 years ago
7 comments:
Colleen. Wow..
Maybe it starts with us worshiping God for who He is. Actually wanting to know Him and not focusing on what we "think" he is doing in our lives.
Something I've been pondering from Ezekiel 20, regarding His mercy shown to Israel, "But I acted for the sake of My name"
....Fascinating...
.....forgetting what lies behind and pressing on to know HIM, the height, the depth the breadth of HIS great love! Bravo, Colleen!!
Colleen, this post is beautiful! I love your honesty and I bet I can tell what motivated it :) the song on your page, the one you wanted me to listen to? I've been looking for...we sang it once at YP and I've never heard it since! I can't believe you would compare me to her!
Colleen- My dear friend and "Marching Buddy".
"Worshipping Him for who he is..." Yup. I believe that IS where it starts. Where it ends? Now that's the Adventure.
Jane-Lately I have to remind myself of that, because I keep weeping otherwise. Then, even still, I have to remind myself that it's not so much about my tears as it is now about my obedience.
Anna- Um, yeah, you are just as good as this girl, if not BETTER. I miss hearing you play...but I supposed I shall have to get used to that.
My friend, I have been there. But it is our God and Savior who will never let us continue to live that dual life. He roots out what needs to go, a process for sure, sometimes it's painful. The more I know of Him, the more I read of my Lord in the Word, the more I realize how much I need Him, every day, every hour, every moment.
Have you read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship? Amazing book and right up your alley. He talks a ton about cheap grace.
Jimmy- no I haven't read it, but I will have to look into it now. :)
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