Gutted

Something has happened to me tonight. I can't seem to stop bursting into tears. For the first time in a very long time I have been pondering Jesus straight up on the cross. It's like I'm seeing fresh just what he did for me. (For everyone) up on that cross. So often, when I cry, it's because I'm crying repentance over my sin. But how often do we weep over the price that Jesus paid for our sins? I wonder how much I would sin less, if I continued to focus on the magnitude of the price he paid for me. How often do we reflect on all the filth that His blood has covered in our lives? I don't know, it's just captivating me right now and I keep thinking..."This really happened." God came down out of the most glorious of places to become flesh and blood and die on a cross so that I might know His redemption. He took my sin. He was stripped naked and suffered unspeakable shame and torture so that I might choose him and be blameless before the Father. I know that sounds graphic, but it's the truth. No one else loves me like that. No one else ever will. I just feel gutted.

Am I right? Is this okay to talk about? I know that the Bible says "Restore to me the Joy of your salvation..." (Psalm 51:12) But I wonder, can we know His Joy until we know His suffering?